Warning; this blog contains dangerous levels of sarcasm.
Last week something disturbing happened. There were three whole examples of the ordinary people thinking they were as good as the toffs. This sickens me. Now never mind that I’m a liberal socialist, social democrat, iconoclast and a republican who went to a state funded school, I can still see that I’m not as good as those born into wealthier families. How can I be? I’m not as rich as them and my education wasn’t as expensive as them. I drive a Ford Focus for the love of all that’s holy! My car may be blue but my blood certainly isn’t.
First off the future King of our fair nation had the publication of his secret talks with ministers blocked from the preying eyes of journalists and the public. Good! So it turns out the politically neutral future monarch isn’t actually politically neutral. If this got out it would destroy our constitutional monarchy. The QC who blocked the release notes said that “Inherited monarchy could not be preserved if the sovereign abandoned political neutrality”. Oops. So whilst we can’t read what was written we do know that he isn’t being politically neutral? So he still has to go right? Nope! If we just close our eyes and cover our ears and accuse anyone who questions what right Charles has to do this that they are “not proud to be British” then all will be well!
Now let’s move on to the resignation of Andrew Mitchell. You know, the one who swore at police officers (illegal by the way) and called them ‘plebs’. Well let’s be fair here, they had told him to obey the law… and they are plebs. It’s not that they are risking their lives keeping our streets safe and, in this occasion, guarding a terrorist target. It’s that they do this whilst earning less money than Mr Mitchell. How can poorer people tell someone richer what is right? If they were right they’d be richer! Point proven.
Finally on to Osbourne. So what if he tried to sit in first class on a standard train ticket. Well this is obviously fair, he’s a first class kinda guy! How is he supposed to watch videos on his iPad when he’s surrounded by the same plebs whose taxes paid for the standard train ticket that he was using. The very idea that he sits with them is perverse. I mean he might catch a cold. And a common cold at that.
So there I’ve managed to sort everything out. There’s nothing to see here, move along you stupid, pathetic, moronic, insignificant, teenage parent, hard drinking, loutish, hooligan, poor little pleb. I’m surprised you managed to read this with your state funded ‘education’.
By Ian Dutton